Dr. Kristen Neff, a researcher at the University of Texas, Austin, focuses on the science and neurobiology of self-compassion. When beginning to practice self-compassion, she identifies a phenomenon that happens for some people – backdraft. I experienced it myself and felt like I was a bit crazy. I was glad to find out it was normal.
Backdraft happens when we move toward the behavior and attitude we want, and our pain and doubt (and, I would add – resistance) increases at first.
Backdraft is that phenomenon that happens when a door in a burning house is opened – oxygen goes in, and flames rush out. Dr. Neff says, “A similar process can occur when we open the door of our hearts – love goes in, and old pain comes out.” I think the same thing happens when we start to move toward something we long for – creativity and expanding the possibilities and engagement in what we love. As we do the work, make changes, and begin forming something out of our creativity – feelings of tiredness, exhaustion, and incompetence arise – which might look like, ‘see, I knew it. I’m not creative’ or ‘I’m not any good!’ Dr. Neff says, “We have to allow ourselves to be slow learners when it comes to practicing self-compassion. And suppose we ever feel overwhelmed by difficult emotions. In that case, the most self-compassionate response may be to pull back temporarily – focus on the breath, the sensation of the soles of our feet on the ground, or engage in ordinary, behavioral acts of self-care such as having a cup of tea or petting the cat. By doing so, we reinforce the habit of self-compassion – giving ourselves what we need at the moment – planting seeds that will eventually blossom and grow.”
As you practice opening yourself to the creativity in you, adopting these habits of self-compassion might ease the transition toward fully embracing your creativity.
- When a negative judgment or resistant feeling comes up, stop.
- Really feel the feeling associated with the thought. Where is it in your body? Go there as deep as you can go and make that feeling as strong as you can. Enter into the feeling fully. It is unpleasant, and that’s ok. Welcome the feeling and the unpleasantness.
- Send tender caring to yourself, particularly to the feeling in your body. Send the tender caring without any need to feel better.
- Do this over and over again. It’s a “slow learner” process. Embrace and welcome the idea that any journey worth taking is a long slow process of showing up, doing the work, and welcoming the process even if it’s unpleasant.
When these feelings come up for me, they usually have their root in fear. Something like, “I don’t know what I’m doing.” Stopping our movement toward what we want at the resistance phase and deciding not to go on is usually out of fear.
I’m learning to paint with oils and acrylics. I’ve been on the slow path of this for about 15 years (I couldn’t quit my day job!). It’s become ok with me to make risky choices when laying down the paint because I’ve stopped worrying about if the painting will be good. Just this week, one of my paintings was probably one of the best I’ve ever done, and the other one was, well, I’ll refrain from an adverse judgment. I’m on the long slow path of learning, and if I stopped because I’ve made a lot of paintings that will be painted over with another attempt, I would not be so much farther along than when I started.
I’ve heard that one in 10 works an artist makes is great, but those are probably the only ones you see – the rest don’t make it to public viewing. Great artists don’t just make great art. They make and make, and some of it is great. Be curious, and trust the process.
1. Backdraft happens when we move toward the behavior and attitude we want, and our pain and doubt (and, I would add – resistance) increases at first.
2. Backdraft is that phenomenon that happens when a door in a burning house is opened – oxygen goes in, and flames rush out. Dr. Neff says, “A similar process can occur when we open the door of our hearts – love goes in, and old pain comes out.”
3. As we do the work, make changes, and begin forming something out of our creativity – feelings of tiredness, exhaustion, and incompetence arise – which might look like, ‘see, I knew it. I’m not creative’ or ‘I’m not any good!’
4. Dr. Neff says, “We have to allow ourselves to be slow learners when it comes to practicing self-compassion. And suppose we ever feel overwhelmed by difficult emotions. In that case, the most self-compassionate response may be to pull back temporarily – focus on the breath, the sensation of the soles of our feet on the ground, or engage in ordinary, behavioral acts of self-care such as having a cup of tea or petting the cat. By doing so, we reinforce the habit of self-compassion – giving ourselves what we need at the moment – planting seeds that will eventually blossom and grow.”
Read more about Dr. Neff’s work here: https://self-compassion.org/
