Odd? Embracing Our Weird and Wonderful Selves! Are you odd? I am. It’s hard to realize you don’t meld into US culture. I’m an INTJ on the Meyers-Briggs assessment. A rare personality type, even rarer for women. While I have warm and fuzzy feelings, I apparently don’t show them. And for people who expect women to be warm and feely creatures, I don’t measure up.
I am just now getting to know this concept of ‘neurodiverse.” I am a member of this wild, wonderous, and meaningful group. I am drawn to small business experts who identify as autistic or ADHD. I haven’t known this until I am already in a relationship with them. And I think it’s because they get me.
They know my unabashed directness is not intentional rudeness. I have been judged as so and wonder if I were a man, if this judgment would also be passed. I walk in, see a situation, and talk about it. The whole concept of warming up the room is foreign to me. I don’t even know how to ‘beat around the bush.’
I started to wonder if I am also autistic. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, The characteristics of a high-functioning adult female with autism include:
• Social interaction and communication challenges
Hmm… Although people have described me as a clear thinker, I’ve also been called brutally honest and rude. Direct? I cop to that, but I don’t ever feel brutal or rude. I am always surprised when I hear this. And it makes me anxious and concerned that I get into trouble just by being myself.
• Sensory issues
Well, yes. Sensitive skin, sensitive to noise and light. I don’t like to hug or touch unless I know someone really well and it’s infrequent and situation appropriate.
I once worked in an office where I was in the room with three other people and faced the wall. My back was to the door, and I couldn’t change it. I was always on edge. Someone might come up behind me and wouldn’t know it. There was constant conversation. It was hell on earth. They fired me because I “wasn’t a good fit.” My pastor thought it was because I worked with immigrants, and it was a very conservative organization. I wonder if I didn’t have enough of what it takes to dish out the vanilla pandering to others. In any case, I went on to better things. And my own office. How do you spell relief?!!!
I have a hard time with people who effusively lavish compliments. I don’t trust it. Come to think of it; I mistrust intentional niceness that doesn’t ring true. I want people to get to the point.
I don’t like parties with lots of people. It’s hard for me to be in situations where I don’t know people.
Except at work. I have grown to expect there will be lots of people I don’t know at work. But I get to go home and be alone after work to recoup.
And the eye contact thing. This used to be difficult until I worked as a chaplain at Bridgeport Yale/New Haven Hospital. We were required to look at everyone approving when they were 20 feet away, then greet them by smiling and verbalizing. This was excruciating at first. Nine months later, it was a habit, and I no longer think about it. I still do it now. I think it’s a good practice and helps other people feel better. I have no problem with eye contact when someone is talking to me. Unless they are going on and on about something irrelevant or uninteresting. Then I want to get out of there.
Is this autism? Or just the things I already know about myself – anxious and introverted?
• Repetitive behaviors
Not that I know of. I lose things a lot and want my tools out and at hand. Some people think this is clutter. It allows me to work more efficiently.
• Restricted interests
I am trying to understand what this means. I have odd interests – dinosaurs, spaceships, creativity, contemporary and outsider art – all mediums, artists and their creative process and studio setups (the tools thing), chickens, cats, geology, growing things, etc. They haven’t varied a lot in many years, but I love getting a wild hare and chasing it. I honor my curiosities and passions. I like this about myself.
I wonder if we are all neurodiverse in some way. I’m not sure because I’ve just lived in my body and not anyone else’s.
According to the Harvard Medical School: “Neurodiversity describes the idea that people experience and interact with the world around them in many different ways; there is no one “right” way of thinking, learning, and behaving, and differences are not viewed as deficits.”
However, culture demands differently. Women are supposed to act in a certain way. Depending on where you live, people interact in a certain way. It’s tough if you can’t detect or act in the way that is culturally expected.
I would love to live in a world where we just found each other interesting. That is generally how I feel about people. but I do get annoyed. The other day someone used the word “Mexican” in a way they meant as a descriptive comment, but it came across as derogatory. To me. I was annoyed. Sometimes, people come across to me as demeaning, superior, or just plain mean.
I am confused about where the line is between culturally acceptable behavior and just plain bad behavior. It appears to me that in this day and age, bad behavior is entertainment and is more acceptable. I’m sad about this.
I’d love to hear from you about your own experiences navigating this world by just being your wonderful, quirky self. Let’s talk.
Know that I am beside you cheering you on.
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